I AM THAT I AM

I AM.


No two words are more powerful in the human language than “I AM.”

In Exodus, God told Moses to inform the Egyptians that they needed to set His chosen people, the Israelites free from enslavement. Moses asked God, “What if the Pharoah asks who sent me, what should I tell him?”
And God replied, “Tell them I AM THAT I AM sent you”.

One, it shows God’s sense of humor. But there’s something more important here.
God knew who He was. He didn’t need a name. And He felt no need to justify Himself to anyone. He is everything. He just IS. Omnipresent. Omnipotent. Creator of the Universe.


God never questions who He is. He knows who He is. He knows that all it takes is a command, an utterance, and the universe obeys. And He always says afterward,"it is good", or "I am pleased."

Supernatural things happen. The earth gets formed in seven days. A little spit, a little dirt, the breath from God, and voila!, you have Adam. An utterance that originates from Him (sometimes by way of messenger), makes seas part, the walls of Jericho fall, makes bushes burn but not be consumed, makes fig trees whither and die…people are healed, the dead come back to life.

God knows who He is. Jesus knew who his Father was. Because he gave his complete submission and total faith in God, Jesus was able to work miracles. Jesus showed us that it wasn’t by his doing, but by his Father, that miracles are possible.

Because we were created from God, and have His breath in us, and are His children, we have these abilities like Jesus and like God. Made in his image. A scaled down mini version of the Creator. Father and his children. We are creators too, we create all the time, whether we are conscious of it or not. If we submit to God’s will and have complete and total trust in him, we too can work miracles.


We have to remember who’s we are. And how valuable we are.




I AM.

I am God’s child. I am worthy. I am loved.


God didn’t say, I think. I want. I could be. I should have. I don’t know, what if.


God lives in complete knowing and expectation that what He says will be. Jesus taught us to live in complete faith and not doubt. These are the examples we should follow.


So instead of uttering the daily foolish words in our lives that don’t show our faith, we need to use more faith filled words.

Words like "I AM".


When we pray we should give Him respect and praise, confess our sins, ask for help for others and ourselves, and give thanks.
If you can conceive it, ask for it, and believe it, you can achieve it. Get into expectation. And give thanks when you achieve it.

Whether you focus on something you don’t want, or something you do want. God always knows what you need.



If you don’t want it, and your attention is concentrated on it, you will call it forth because there is a lesson to be learned. Your Spirit wants to experience what you think you do not want so it can prove to you that you can accomplish it and grow in faith. Your Spirit comes from God and is His pure love. It already knows the path to God. It wants YOU to know it, too.



If you do want something, there is a difference between wanting and expectation. Wanting will produce a perpetual state of wanting. Expectation is faith and will produce results.


The best way to practice living in expectation is to utter words of faith, like I AM.


When you know who you are, and who’s you are, God knows who you are. You are always a child of God, but when you recognize your value, and you speak words of faith, and you believe He will be good to you, God is pleased.

I can know all of this as my Truth. But I have to practice it consistently for me to get consistent results.
When I have half assed prayer, and half assed faith, I get half assed results. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Some days are good, some are bad. Some prayers are answered, and some aren’t, or I’m told to wait.


Sometimes I get I want, instead of I am. Sometimes I get I don’t want, when I mean to say I AM.
Even when I can’t fully believe in what I want or who I am, I try to reach for what Shayla calls, “hope statements”.

For example, if I can’t believe my house will be saved, I can at least say I hope my house will be saved. And that helps me, until I can truly believe it can be saved, as I do know.

Not only do I believe it can be saved, I know it will be saved. It is already saved. Not only is it saved, it’s prosperous and growing in equity. Not only is it prosperous and growing in equity, it is already paid off. Thank you Lord for bringing the resources to me to live in abundance.

See? That’s how it works.


I AM HAPPY.
I AM LOVED.
I AM COMPLETE.
I AM SUCCESSFUL.
I AM BEAUTY.
I AM HEALTHY.
I AM BLESSED.
I LOVE GOD.
I LOVE MYSELF.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
I LOVE OTHERS.


I bring all this up to remind myself that the reason I long, I ache, I worry, I get angry, I get frustrated, I feel alone, I get upset, I get sad, I blame, I live in guilt, I don’t understand, I obsess, I cry, and any other variety of bad feelings I feel is simply because I am not living in expectation. Asking over and over again is not living in expectation. Worry and doubt is not living in expectation.


I need to be consistently where my Spirit is. In joy, peace, love, truth, appreciation. The more I can stay there, the happier I will be.

When I receive thoughts that contradict that, then I know I am not acknowledging where my Spirit wants to be.

And I get dis-ease. Dis-comfort. Dis-repair. Dis-appointment. Dis-respect. Dis-caring. Dis-trust.


Even when I receive these negative experiences, it’s all on how you look at it. You can easily change your perspective and pivot out of it. Just replace it with a new thought you can believe.


In every situation, I can either get in agreement with it, or use it as a teaching growth tool and still be in appreciation for the experience.


God never leaves us. He is always there. So, if you are in a situation where you feel like you can’t hear or feel Him, then you know you are in a place that you shouldn’t be. You feel alone. You feel isolated. You are in judgment of it. You are in anger of it. Even anger is an expression of love on some level, because you gave your trust and love and you feel betrayed, thus eliciting an anger response. It’s just another version of love.

 Focusing on the negative aspect of it instead of it’s positive.



There are two sides to every story.
Choose which side you wish to focus on and that will be your experience.

Childhood Sexual Abuse

My friend Toni created a blog message so honest and raw about her experience with childhood sexual abuse, I just want to celebrate her for a moment and post a link on my page about her story:

http://aspotoftee.blogspot.com/2011/11/putting-it-together-taking-my-life-back.html

A Word about Soul Mates

There will always be elements of people you enjoy, especially when it comes to a potential mate.
The people in your life all have some purpose for being there. The women in your life have mirror elements of who you are, or who you wish to become. The men in your life have mirror elements of the traits you are looking for in yourself. It's natural to build and bond and make connections with people, because we all come from God, and we all have pieces of the puzzle-- pieces and expressions of His joy.

It's important when choosing a mate to not get too caught up in these pieces or elements of the puzzle. When you first meet them, lust takes over, and you will find all types of similar connections there. Some men you will love their smile and humor. Some men, you will love how they command a room. Still others you will love how they passionate they are about a particular subject.

You will think to yourself, if I can just take this element from this  guy, and pair it with this guy's body, and that guy's personality...if I can throw these men together, he would be the right one.

But I think it's important to just ENJOY your friends and surroundings, more so than FINDING YOUR SOUL MATE.

The word "soulmate" is deceiving. It implies that you have a lack, until you meet this person. Putting such a high priority on meeting and loving someone puts you in danger of worshiping them as an idol. That is not God's intent for your life.

God places these people in your life for life lessons. They have their own path, and they stop on your doorstep for a lesson and keep it moving.

Even our spouses and children have their own paths in life.

If you put God first, and you just enjoy and recognize all the connections, you will have a pretty full life.

And perhaps God will one day bring you a person that has the elements you like, to learn the lessons you need in one package. Make sure you both put God first and allow Him to bring you together.

You both are much more useful serving His purpose for your lives, than focusing on possessing and completing each other.

Are You Being Abused?

Lots of times, people don't even realize they are in an abusive relationship. 1 in 3 women will experience abuse in their lifetime, and it occurs every 7 seconds in America.

There are many types of abuse:

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical abuse is easier to recognize and understand than other types of abuse. It can be indicated when the batterer:

Scratches, bites, grabs or spits at a current or former intimate partner. Shakes, shoves, pushes, restrains or throws her. Twists, slaps, punches, strangles or burns the victim. Throws objects at her. Subjects her to reckless driving. Locks her in or out of the house. Refuses to help when she’s sick, injured or pregnant, or withholds medication or treatment. Withholds food as punishment. Abuses her at mealtime, which disrupts eating patterns and can result in malnutrition. Abuses her at night, which disrupts sleeping patterns and can result in sleep deprivation. Attacks her with weapons or kills her.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sexual violence and abuse can be extraordinarily difficult for victims to talk about because of the ways in which this type of violence often is perpetrated. Sexual violence or abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Is jealously angry and assumes she will have sex with anyone. Withholds sex and affection as punishment. Calls her sexual names. Pressures her to have sex when she doesn’t want to. Insists that his partner dress in a more sexual way than she wants. Coerces sex by manipulation or threats. Physically forces sex or is sexually violent. Coerces her into sexual acts that she is uncomfortable with, such as sex with a third party, physically painful sex, sexual activity she finds offensive or verbal degradation during sex. Inflicts injuries that are sex-specific. Denies the victim contraception or protection against sexually transmitted diseases.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

It is the abuser’s use of physical and sexual force or threats that gives power to his psychologically abusive acts. Psychological abuse becomes an effective weapon in controlling a victim, because she knows through experience that her abuser will at times back up the threats or taunts with physical assaults. Psychological abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Breaks promises, doesn’t follow through on agreements or doesn’t take a fair share of responsibility. Verbally attacks and humiliates his partner in private or public. Attacks her vulnerabilities, such as her language abilities, educational level, skills as a parent, religious and cultural beliefs or physical appearance. Plays mind games, such as when he denies requests he has made previously or when he undercuts her sense of reality. Forces her to do degrading things. Ignores her feelings. Withholds approval or affection as punishment. Regularly threatens to leave or tells his partner to leave. Harasses her about affairs he imagines her to be having. Stalks her. Always claims to be right. Is unfaithful after committing to monogamy.

ECONOMIC ABUSE

Economic abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Controls all the money. Doesn’t let her work outside the home or sabotages her attempts to work or go to school. Refuses to work and makes her support the family. Ruins her credit rating.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN VIOLENCE AND OTHER TACTICS OF CONTROL

Domestic violence is not an isolated, individual event but rather a pattern of repeated behaviors. Assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. These assaults occur in different forms, including physical, sexual, psychological and economic. While physical assaults might occur infrequently, other parts of the pattern can occur daily. The use of these other tactics is effective because one battering episode builds on past episodes and sets the stage for future episodes. All tactics of the pattern interact and have profound effects on the victims. Examples of commonly used control tactics include:

Isolation Using the children Damaging relationships Attacking property and pets Stalking partner or ex-partner

Intimate partner violence is hurtful and abusive behaviors used by one partner to control and have power over another intimate partner. These behaviors can include threats, physical assault, forced sex, financial control, isolation, and emotional abuse, like name calling.

How safe is your home? Are you in an abusive relationship? Use the following checklist to help determine if you are being abused.

Does your partner... 

• make fun of you in front of your family or friends?
• put down your accomplishments or goals?
• make you feel like you can’t make decisions?
• use force or threats to make you do what he/she wants?
• tell you that you are nothing without him/her?
• treat you roughly – grab, push, shove or hit you?
• constantly call you or show up at your work or home to make sure you are where you said you would be?
• blame you for how he/she feels or acts?
• withhold affection?
• prevent you from doing the things you want?
• call you names?

If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, you can get help and more information at  www.padv.org

The Self Love Challenge

Your Trump Card: Self-Love

by Hara Estroff Marano

Created Dec 3 2002 - 1:00am

Having a glowing vision of the future helps you tackle the core beliefs about yourself—such as doubts about your own worthiness for success—that have held you back until now. So as you peel back the curtains around your core self, you become ready to tap the source of all change and success—self-love, and forgiveness for past failures.
Self-love doesn't happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to create it. These are among the most important elements of it.

• Honoring yourself and who you really are. Love is your birthright. As Teilhard de Chardin said, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
• Telling the highest truth, which is that we are powerful beings capable of creating joy and success or pain and suffering in our lives. We are not destined to be victims. We have the power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility we have and the greatest opportunity.
• Honoring who you are becoming. Self-love involves recognizing that you are constantly evolving and growing to become a more powerful and more loving being.
• Honoring your feelings and responding to those feelings. Remember, feelings are important signals, and even the so-called negative feelings of anger and fear serve the important purpose of alerting us to the obstacles in our life.
• Recognizing that the universe is literally made of love. "If we will just open ourselves to receive, like flowers opening to the sun, then everything is possible," says Ti Caine, hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California.

When things go wrong or goals don't materialize, most people blame their past, their parents, life in general or God. We are even encouraged to do this by friends and family who are well-meaning. We also devote a great deal of energy to settling for what is, without recognizing what we can become.
All the great wisdom traditions speak of the unlimited power we have within us. Both quantum physics and psychology offer proof that our thoughts create our reality. Yet, Caine points out, many people strenuously object to the truth that we create our own reality.
"They argue that it's not loving to tell a sick person they had anything to do with creating their illness," he says. "Yet, by not owning their power when they are sick, they are consigning themselves to a life of being a victim of any virus or circumstance that comes their way. This powerlessness is the source of most depression, and it leads to more illness and problems such as overeating."
He insists it is more honest and even more loving to gently help people recognize the power they have to create their reality, including failures. Once we do that, then we must forgive ourselves for the painful experiences we have previously chosen in our lives. "I don't know all the parts of me that are creating the failed relationships, but I am willing to learn about them."
Only by seeing how in the past we have allowed problems to control us, and forgiving ourselves, can we really change and be free to go forward in life feeling more powerful, able to create the success and happiness we want.
Forgiveness, says Caine, is not only a form of self-love, it is completely an inside job. First you have to own your mistakes. Here is how.

• Imagine a future where you totally love yourself and have totally owned your power.
• Reach for an understanding of why you would choose limitations in your life. We are often taught by family and life experiences that being weak, sick or helpless is the way to get attention or help. Look at your own and other peoples attempts to get acceptance, attention and love. Ask yourself, what was I taught about being lovable? About being powerful and responsible for my life?
• Then forgive yourself for having made mistakes. Imagine how your future self would forgive you for a mistake.
• Then you can consciously create better methods for getting the acceptance, attention, love and success that you want.

---

Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/23439

Okay. Now that you have read what self love is.....

Your homework challenge is to now write 25 self love goals and get them accomplished.

Your self love goal could be as simple as, "Be more truthful to myself and others."

You can even break it up and give yourself  5 goals a month, for the next 5 months.

Get started!

Do you Possess What's on Your Own List?

So many times I hear women talk about the qualities they are looking for in a man.

"I need a man that goes to church. That loves his family. That is making good money. That is 6 foot 3. That looks like Morris Chestnut. That wants to spend all his money on me. That takes me on trips. That loves my four kids and can beat down they baby daddies. That has a nice car and all his teeth. That's loving and kind and has a great life and would never cheat on me."

I just look at them blankly.
And then I listen to them tell me about their lives.

They never go to church. They constantly fight with their family. They are living check to check. They are  bitchy, they don't go to the gym and take care of themselves. They are stingy with their money. They have never traveled out of the state. They treat their own kids as a burden that stops them from partying. Either their car is always breaking down, or some man is paying the notes. Her teeth, hair, and eye color aren't real. And they talk about everyone like a dog. Their main claim to fame is that they are a super judgmental diva and everyone should bow down to their  will. They don't understand the true meaning of real commitment, because they always have a man on the side, trying to keep their "options open."

Listen, sis.

How do you expect for God to bless you with this glorious man if you don't have your own shit together?
Everything you have on your list, you should already be for yourself!
You can't expect a good man like this to get with you and want to stick and stay! How will you improve his life? Will you make him miserable? Why should he have to fix you up and help your condition? Will you even want to change, or will you just drag him down?

If you are the woman I've described, the only man you need is Jesus. And maybe a good therapist.

You have too much baggage going on. You need to get your life in order so you can  love yourself first. Then you can be in a position to be loved by someone else.

  

10 to 1 Ratios

Black women.....
Today, I want  you to stop believing the hype.
Stop believing in 10 to 1 ratios.
Stop thinking there is a shortage of men.
Stop thinking you will have to share a man, or that he will cheat on you.
Stop thinking you will have to steal someone else's piece of man.
Stop thinking that you will have to settle. Or marry outside your race. Or date an old man dressed like friggin Steve Harvey.
(If that's what you choose to do, then fine. Do it because you really love that white guy, and his old ass is amazing.)
But don't do it out of fear that you will never find a man.
In fact, stop reading all these "How to get a Man" self help books, anyway.

There ain't nothing wrong with you.
And if there is, you already know what it is, and the steps to work on it, if you want to change it.

Stop letting this media pressure you and control your mind.

There are plenty of good men around. The problem is you focus on scarcity.
Therefore, all you experience is scarcity.

If you decided to focus on abundance, you'd have abundance!

If you woke up everyday and said,
"I have enough of everything I need. God has provided me more than I need for today. I have more than enough love. More than enough food, water, shelter, sex, security, money. More than enough friends. More than enough admirers. And today is the day I need to be more specific with my prayer. I'm gonna pray for exactly what I want in a mate. I'm gonna be the things I ask for. And I'm gonna let it go and wait for God to send it."

Guess what.

If you began to focus on that everyday and truly believe it, you would have it.
(And you'd have it much sooner than you think!)

God knows your wants and your needs and desires before you even ask it.
You don't have to beg Him. You don't have to take it into your own hands to get it.

Just be you. Enjoy you. Be good to yourself and others. And someone will come along and see all the wonderful things you are and want to be a part of that.

You already know the work you need to do that keeps you from meeting Mr. Right.
Do you the "soul work" that you know you need to do to be the best "you" you can be. Let the fear, and the anger and the garbage go, so God can bless you with what you keep asking for.

You want a good man?
Be a good woman.

Ask a Man: Are you Marriage Hungry?

So I've been dating a guy for the past year. It's getting pretty serious. And we are making all these plans to live this future life together. He's named our imaginary kid. He even watches marathons of "Say Yes to the Dress" with me. But it's just not manifesting in the time frame I envisioned it. 


If I had my way, it'd be tomorrow. (I'm pretty impulsive).
If he had his way, it'd be this structured and mapped out and done "the right way". (He is a meticulous planner).


It left me more than frustrated with him (and kinda huffy). So, I decided to ask a man about it.


Meet Brandhi Irvon.

He's a life coach. Songwriter. Poet. Painter. An all around Renaissance man and a good friend. I decided to ask his advice. What he said surprised me. I learned that it was less about my partner, and more about my own expectations, projections, and insecurities.


Tray:
Brandhi, I'm really confused about men and their concept of future planning.
We know we want to be together. We were both on board with the future planning. Then I asked him for a specific time frame. How long will all this planning take? How much money do we need? When can we plan to buy a house? 


And he got quiet. And now we are all "weird". He says to relax. And that I am making this too complicated.


 You always talking about radiating love. I am friggin' radiating love! If I wasn't, he wouldn't be with me! This mess is making me neurotic. I know it's only been a year, but does he see marriage in his future? We always talk about it, but when exactly is it gonna happen!


Brandhi:
Are you sure you are radiating love? Because if you are, love would come back to you. If you are radiating indecision, indecision will come back to you. If you are radiating fear of abandonment, fear of abandonment will come back to you. If you are radiating "Brotha Back UP!!"..."Brother back up will come back to you.
And if you are confused...... (you guessed it)


Tray:
I see what you are saying. I need to focus my energy more clearly --like a laser.


Brandhi:
You do. Correct.
It's not really about HIM.
He is just the "report card" on how you are REALLY focusing....or not focusing.
If you are focused on patience, compassion, humility and forgiveness (and here is the clincher)
FOR YOURSELF ...all those things will come to you in another.
Most people hope to find these quailities in another FIRST rather than develop them in themselves first.


Tray:
A light bulb just went off! That's actually making sense to me.
Well, I've been doing me and working on my path, minding my own business, and poof!
He comes out the woodwork talking about rearranging me and giving me this perfect life.
I didn't ask for no man. I was happy! And he was the one that started all this marriage talk in the first place! Now he's got my nose wide open. 
And it was soundin' real good. Now that I'm invested, I feel like he snatched it away from me!
Now I'm sitting here all confused, thinking, 'why even show it to me in the first place?'
I could-a had a V8.


Brandhi:
That is because...it was NEVER ABOUT HIM.
Pretend that everything you experience....what you see, taste, hear, feel, smell are all happening inside your mind. EVERYTHING. That would mean that everything that happens to you IS YOUR FAULT .....or YOUR VICTORY. Everything else is an illusion. It's just you and God....dancing.
If you blame it on MEN, you give US too much power over your happiness.
WE should be bowing to your magic. Never the other way around.


Tray:
Well, I thought I was doing that!
But then I got all off course and it became about him!
Boy, I will not be doing that again.


Brandhi:
Yes you will.


Tray:
II grew up believing that this is what we are supposed to do, put you guys first and be a helpmate.


Brandhi:
Thats slightly bulls***t ...but only slightly.
Before you put me FIRST, make sure that you and I are the same kind of animal or you will be putting a WHALE in charge of you and you are a DEER. So whatever makes him THRIVE will kill you and whatever makes YOU happy will kill him. You have to make sure FIRST that you are the same kinds of animal and you both enjoy the same kinds of things. You both are passionate about the same kinds of things.
After you are sure about that,
After you LOVE each other rather than possess each other...
After you see that his support of your causes makes him feel good about himself...
And when you support him you feel good about yourself...
THEN you can let him lead.


Tray:
Ugh!!! (throws up hands)
This is so much work, wtf...
And you aren't speaking English.... it's fluent "life coach".
I'm too impatient for this kinda crap, I'm getting hives just thinking about it.


Brandhi:
Heaven ain't free and shouldn't be. I don't want no insecure-ass-dysfunctional-punks who need their ego stroked every 5 minutes sitting next to me in heaven. Nawww....make it hurt. Work on it.
But the good news is...
You are in the game. You care.


Tray:
LMAO
I'm in the game.... and sweatin.


Brandhi:
You said earlier that you give up. No you won't. You know why?
Because the very essence of YOU is what you seek.....LOVE.
You are LOVE. So....all you have to do is KNOW YOURSELF (love) BETTER.
And when you have it mastered in you....it will come to you.
Know yourself better.
Thats it. Once you are comfortable with the REALNESS of it....it will show up in EVERYTHING. And your "report card" ....will change.
I believe ANY woman can have ANY man she wants ...if she reprograms herself to that end. She doesn't even have to mess with him. He will end up coming to her. 


...Now, from a man's perspective...
.....I mean from his side...


Tray:
Great....(rolls her eyes)...
Ok, tell me his side.


Brandhi:
Every man just wants to please his mother. So you represent his mother and all he wants to do is please you and impress upon you that he is a capable and worthy man. If he has big things, he wants to show what he has accomplished. If he DOESN'T have big accomplishments...or he is not proud of where I am in my life....he will want impress you ....WITH MY DREAMS. He  wants you to be proud of him.  That is the core of a man in relation to a woman he loves.


Tray:
(another A-HA moment for me)
So you are saying that I should just let him dream. That he and I just need to dream, and enjoy and just be happy with the dream for now?


Brandhi:
Kind of.

 Back to YOUR side of things...
What you may have revealed in him when you asked him the questions about the future is a man that MAY have second thoughts about his future with you and what he want out of life in general. Don't sweat him about it. HE has to make that decision freely without you.  After all you don't want A husband. You want YOUR husband and HE has to be just as sure as you that he is making the right decision freely.  So allow him to find his focus on his hopes, dreams and goals without you.



Tray:
I don't know if he has a concrete, tangible plan, other than dreaming about what could be.
But, I hope so. I do believe in him.


Brandhi:
A man's plan has to be a mathematical plan that can actually be executed. Some men KNOW they won't be able to execute it and they KNOW they don't have much but they also know that a woman wants a man who has either accomplish SOMETHING or has a plan to accomplish something. So they are not going to give you conversation that does not have things they plan to accomplish in the future because they know it's not attractive...even though they may know they can't obtain those goals.


Tray:
I don't understand. I am a woman that gets things done. I would help him accomplish whatever goals gladly.
Does he feel he gotta have everything sorted ahead of time?


Brandhi:
A man is thinking, "I don't want you to help me hunt, Mama. I want YOU to be proud of the dragons that I SLAY.
How would it look you slaying my dragons for me. Then I won't ever feel like I grew up.
I can't let you do that.
I would rather be a bum.
I would rather sell drugs.
I would rather risk jail time.
And that is what BLACK MAN does.
All so you can be proud of me."


Tray:
Man, that is heavy.
Deep.
Ok, so let me get this straight, because I know you don't speak standard English.
You are saying that I am my own man? And when I know myself, he will come?


Brandhi:
I am saying....
That when you have a sexy black dress on...
And you look at yourself in a full length mirror...
And you say "Hmmmmmm dang girl, you looking goood"
But you see a big piece of lint on the dress...
You don't touch the mirror to get the lint off....you change yourself and then the image in the mirror INSTANTLY CHANGES."


Tray:
OOOOOooooh!!!!
Man, you should really write a book.


Brandhi:
It's hard work because it's easier to get someone else to change....or get them to SAY they will change so we can feel good about ourselves. However, the REAL WORK has to be done from within YOU. And your REPORT CARD for how you are doing is WHAT and WHO appears in your life. No exceptions.


Tray:
Now that makes perfect sense.
Another question...How do you know when you've met the person you are supposed to be with?


Brandhi:

 HOW?? That is like asking "How do I know when I have gotten the lint off my dress?" Just as you have learned to trust your judgement in what you SEE, you will learn to trust your judgement in what you FEEL as well
But you have to spend time in there with yourself long enough to know. Most people get OTHER PEOPLE to occupy their space and time and then call it LOVE when actually it's an occupation of a space that YOU SHOULD BE OCCUPYING. Then when they leave, you feel a void. The void is actually YOUR original space for you to love yourself      ...first.


Tray:
Okay, Bran. Thank you for all of your insight today. I'm glad I asked a man, because I was clueless. Most of the time, I walk around thinking you all must be bi-polar.


Brandhi:
"Anytime."




So, ladies, if you are constantly having the "Where is this going?" conversation and beating a dead horse, like I am with my man... then maybe this post is for you. You might be ruining a perfectly good relationship obsessing over marriage. You should "Ask a Man." Since I had this conversation, I know longer feel anxiety over when, where, and how this will happen. I believe in my man. 


It's like my man always tells me,


 "I love you, you love me. 
We both have the same vision in mind. 
It's gone be ready when it's ready."


(He knows that if he gave me an exact date and it passed, I'd be all worked up again, anyway.)

Work on Yourself

The Scale of Emotions

Abraham-Hicks has come up with an emotional scale that will help you work from feeling bad to feeling better about what ever you are experiencing.




Pick a problem in your life you are having difficulty getting a resolution on.


Now find where you are emotionally on the scale about the subject.


Your homework assignment, (should you choose to participate), is to get out a sheet of paper and write 2 sentences for each level. Start with the bottom and work your way up.


For example, let's say you are bored with your job. 
You can start at writing a few sentences about that boredom, until you gotten it out of your system. 
The next day, you can try to reach one higher on the scale, which would be contentment,(writing a few good sentences on why you'd feel content with your job, perhaps it's better than not having one, and it pays your bills). 
The next day, reach for a higher level, Hopefulness. Perhaps there are some things you can do to give yourself hope (taking on new projects, applying for new positions/promotions, etc.) Write about how you can feel hope in your job situation.... and so on, and so on.... until you finally get to the top of the scale.




Baby steps towards joy!


1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. Overwhelment
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness 

Take Ownership for your Part

If you want to live with intention, you have to be willing to take ownership in the creative process. Lots of times we think about who has wronged us, and why this person didn't respect us, or why our parents or lovers didn't love us. It is very easy to look outside ourselves and see who poorly treated us. But it is even more important to recognize the conditions we put in place to allow ourselves to be treated poorly.

In life, there are cycles. Some, more obvious than others. Are you in a cycle of asking for love and appreciation, without fully recognizing that this comes from, and can be filled from within? Stop asking someone to love you. People respect and value what YOU respect and value.

If you meet someone who will not respect it, recognize they don't have to, and recognize that you don't need them to, move on.

This is a painful lesson that humans have to master (especially women), because we get so focused in pleasing others and caring for others, and we want that same level of caring back.

Know this, if you are sitting here, blaming someone for your treatment, you need to take inventory of your actions and emotions you are putting out there. Once you do, you will quickly see that they aren't the problem, it's you, and you need to shift your thinking.

When you do this, do not beat yourself up once you have discovered the problem. Do not dwell on the time you lost or what you gave. Remember, everything in life is a gift. Just as you gave gifts, gifts were given to you, and you will continue to get more to give. And you gave what you did with the information you were able to understand at the time. So never live with regrets. Be easy on yourself. Set boundaries where you need to. Forgive yourself, and forgive others. God doesn't live with regrets and you shouldn't, either.

God knows the beginning and end to every story. Don't stay stuck on this chapter, turn the page.

I want you to remember that every second in life is a growing lesson. Thank God for the growth. You are everywhere you need to be. Nothing is wrong. And there are no coincidences. Every piece of your life fits neatly and makes total sense if you could see the larger vision, instead of looking through our tiny straw. Trust and believe in Him.

Recognize the Harvest Season

For some people, they climb Mount Everest, and the trek is so arduous, they spend all their time just putting one foot in front of the other. Their gaze is down, and they are focused on just surviving and not losing their footing. 

Planting one foot in front of the other is good. Walk enough steps, and you will finally reach the top. 

But don't forget the journey. The scenery along the way. The fact that there are less than 1000 people out of 6 billion that have ever climbed this path or seen this glorious sight before, perched on top of the world. 

When you leave your planting season, remember to stop and enjoy the fruits of harvest and give thanks. Don't just say, 'Oh, there's so much more work to be done.' Sure, that's fine. There will always be work, as long as you have breath and can plan new goals. But recognize the harvest. Recognize when you've arrived. It's important to acknowledge harvest, so you can feel a sense of completion and celebration, before you take on more. 

Learn to be content with today. Yesterday is gone, and it coulda woulda shoulda been so much mo' betta. Tomorrow never exists except in concept. All you have is continuing states of NOW, so you might as well learn to be happy in them. Not as you can be, but as you are RIGHT NOW. There is no happiness and perfection in the future, there is only happiness in the moment. 

I am grateful for the harvest season. I have toiled and come up on some rocks in the ground. But I kept plowing and turning over the soil. I mixed in some fertile top soil and used my tools of pivoting, and retelling, and moving up the scale, and rampages of appreciation, and focus wheels. 

I started in a rough place that I previously believed couldn't be cultivated. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be start a new life without him. I knew I wasn't happy with how I was being treated. I pulled out weeds of doubt, guilt, manipulation. And I sowed in seeds of faith, joy, appreciation, expectancy, and hope. 

Every now and then I would fall into a little sinkhole, big enough for my foot. My ex husband would make it difficult for me, or finances would get me down, or fighting to stay in the house would seem impossible. But I stayed enduring and paitent. 

When I focused on the negative, I got negative, and I quickly learned that I had a lot of power in the creation process. So, I learned that I needed to focus all of my energy on who I really am in my Spirit, which is joy and appreciation. I learned compassion and forgiveness, for my ex husband and for myself. Those characteristics were fully tested when I received some even more negative news about my marriage. Because I had already internalized these concepts, I was able to shift my thinking in only two days, which is quite an accomplishment! 

I learned strength and independence, two things I didn't think I could do before without him. I learned to set boundaries of respect that people cannot cross. I saved my house. I learned stillness and meditation. I learned how to get into appreciation about my career and the plans for it's future. I learned how to set goals and dream outrageous dreams and conquer them. I learned how to have fun with my friends on outings, and traveling with my sister. I now have hobbies that I love, like singing and writing. I've lost 14 pounds of my 40 pound goal and counting! I even learned how to love myself and replace those feelings on loneliness and be the love I seek. I even know how to inspire others to do the same. 

Now, I am in harvest. I have learned to appreciate where I have come from, love who I am now in the moment, and get excited about who I am becoming. I am open to the new journeys that lie ahead with exhuberant enthusiam. I look forward to more 'teachable moments' to use my tools. I look forward to being single. I look forward to being a healthier mother with some life skills and examples to pass down. I look forward to being a better daughter, and sibling. And I truly think I am a better spiritual person for this journey and a better friend. I think I will be a better companion too, when that comes. 

All of this transformation, from April to December. Less than a year, and at times it was moving so rapidly. At other times, a snail's pace. But I appreciate it all and everyone in it. 


Copyright Tray