Electronic Pickpocket

RFID chips in your "fast pay" card are swipe-able, even in your wallet.

Women are like apples on trees...

Woman are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Some men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, THEY'RE amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

-Author Unknown

Ask a Man: Men Want Marriage, Too!

Lately, I've been running into some men who say they want to get married and meet Miss Right.


Up till now, I really didn't think men even thought about it. Most of the men I've met have stated they really enjoy being single, and don't know when (or if) it will ever happen for them.


But in the past month or two, I have encountered two men that say they are looking for marriage. (I preface this statement with the phrase, neither of them live in Atlanta!)


The first is a divorced dad of two. Been married twice. He said that he was tired of giving his all to women and not receiving that same affection in return. That most of the time, women are interested in what you can do for them, but not what they can contribute to the relationship, or to supporting you as a man. 


When asked what men think about the concept of soul-mates (because I hear that word used all the time from women),  he told me, "Men really think of soul-mates as it pertains to one person, not overall commitment as a rule. The relationship has gotta be taken to a certain level. He has to want to lock her down. What makes the ready light come on for us, is the thought of her being with someone else."


When asked about what makes him want to "lock it down", he replied, 


"Stability, Sexy Appeal, Financially stable, Homemaker, Supporter, and Listener. 


Women don't listen enough, and I think women want the truth but don't really wanna hear it. They wanna believe men don't think like that. You ladies have an idea of what YOU think we should be thinking. "


You know what? He's exactly right. Us women do think we understand what men are thinking, when really we haven't a clue! 


These things on his list, I rarely hear women talk about. They think men are concerned with education, or stretch marks, or hair, or earning potential, or whatever fifty billion things we obsess over. None of these things even made the list!


(Granted, he is just one guy, not the spokesperson for the entire male population.)








So, I asked my best guy friend. He is single, never married, and no kids.








He told me, "I'm looking for a woman that is hot, and doesn't get on my nerves!"




But he also agreed with the first guy's sentiment. 


Men, just like women, are looking to settle down and meet the right girl.


He says, "it all matters about timing.  If you say to a man that you're interested in getting married and all up-front, we listen and keep that in mind.  If it becomes a reoccurring theme of your discussions, however, it means that you're pushing and guys don't like that.  For a relationship to work, you have to be at the same place at the same time.  For either the man or the woman to push it means you're more likely to lose the whole deal."


He also says, "I believe every man wants to get married one day. But you can't force it. Relationships are all about bending and compromise, but it should definitely be on both ends.  Unfortunately, you usually have a relationship where one person is always thinking about how much they bend and compromise and not taking into account how much the other person might be bending and compromising.  


"I think it's a miracle if a person finds everything that they desire in one person.  Most of us HAVE to bend and compromise to make a not-quite-perfectly-round peg fit in the desired hole.  Usually, there's a lot of resentment that comes up from one person about how much they do for the relationship that turns into yelling that sets off the other person thinking that all they've been doing isn't appreciated and then, it's on and it's not gonna be pretty. 


"To be honest, I think that when you meet someone, you have an idea of what you want, but if the person you're looking at doesn't fit perfectly, give them a chance; you might find things in them that weren't on your list, but you're glad they have them.  At the end of the day, men and women put their needs first and that's not only problematical, it's not Christian, either.  I'm not saying marry someone because it's what they need even though you won't be happy, but take the time to appreciate what each of you do in a relationship before you become resentful.  And don't discount what they do because you don't feel the same about whatever it is as they do.  Personally, I feel like anything anyone does in my relationships is important and appreciated.

I don't believe that anyone should have to put in more work than the other person.  A marriage is a partnership.  Men and women are different and have different roles, but none of the roles is more important than the others.  Men are supposed to be the leadership of the household, but without the support of his wife, it would all fall apart.  I believe that husbands should cater to their wives as wives should to their husbands; not in some stupid, ego-filling way, but in love and respect and appreciation to the other.

I don't know about any shortages, but treat all people well.  The media will use fear to drive us to consumerism in all cases and that should be dismissed.  I say relax and put your effort and energy into the things of God."

He also thinks my Holy Grail/Wolfpack theory is fundamentally flawed. 

"Please, PLEASE stop talking about hunting!  It's not about that at all.  It's all about personal preference.  Some men like it when you pursue and some men think they should do it exclusively.  I can tell you personally that I hate when I put energy into spending time with someone and they act like they can't call me.  I feel like if you're interested, you'll make an effort if I am.  Relationships are bad enough without coming up with some flawed formula to apply to every single one.  Each person is different and should be treated accordingly.  If you want to be chased, wait until a man chases you.  If you don't, go after the man you want.  Please stop coming up with these ideas or listening to people that give them.  There are good men and bad men, good women and bad women.  If you're lucky enough to find someone good and that fits with you, it's a serious blessing!  Focus on God!"

There you have it, ladies and gentleman. Two men's perspectives on dating and marriage. 

I hope there are many other men out there like this.

©Tray

Daisy vs Diva

                                                

I'm starting to give strong consideration to this whole physical attraction thing.

Apparently, for men this is a deal breaker.

Think about it.

There are many well educated, highly intelligent, average looking, girl next door, funny women out there.  And there are even more gold digging, conniving , physically attractive, picky, superficial women out there.

The good girls get overlooked, and they end up eating Haagen-Dazs gelato on a Friday night with their cat.

The bad girls often get money, trips, and cars thrown at them, they have so many suitors, they don't know what to do with. They treat them like crap, and the men beg for more.

What is this phenomenon of men dating the unattainable? You are looking for a trophy, but you are really getting a girl that's going to blow through your money, sleep with the poolboy, and move on to the next sucker.

Meanwhile, the woman you probably should have dated, who could help you and your money grow, never gets a call. Perhaps she's not as flashy. But hey, at least she's made of substance.

I asked Regenius this question. Here's what she came up with.

"That reminds me of my friend!  She doesn't cook, and she's slightly pessimistic. Not especially spiritual, and she is a daddy's girl. She's argumentative with men. And she requires alot of attention....but still, she really is a sweetie and very ambitious and book smart. One of my favorite people, once you get past all of that.

She drives all of us in our circle NUTS when we go out because of her attitude towards men, and most women don't know what to do with her! And yet she pulls men left and right.

She EXPECTS a man to come out the pocket for her.  She doesn't tolerate any violin stories from men.  She tends to attract ballers all the time.....

Why do they seem to get what they want?  I never understood why it works like that? 

I think men like to feel needed and like they are rescuing somebody.  Seems like the needier you are - the better your chances are.  But its some sort of needy formula - some kind of magical Neediness to Diva ratio.  Cause you can't be too needy.  You gotta present like you got it going on."

As phucked up as it is, Regenius is absolutely right.

There is definitely a "needy to diva" ratio.

Or a Daisy to Diva ratio.

These women present like they got their stuff together. Hair flawless. Clothes immaculate. They are pushing a Beamer or greater. Trophy girls.

But they are as needy and insecure and vulnerable as they come. All their bills and debt are sky high. They have other's paying for their lives. And they have to keep a rich man in order to continue living so luxurious.

I just don't get it. We normal women are human beings, we are not perfect. We have guts and glasses. We have insecurities, too. Just like the men. What makes you think you can do better than a normal woman? Do you see us dating male supermodels?!

We find attraction in you, even the most peculiar looking of you.

I just don't get it.

Wait a minute.

 Yes, I do get it.

It must be the same reason women don't date nice guys. Why they will break their neck for someone who doesn't even give a crap about them.

Men like a bad girl who is beautiful and evil.

Women like a bad guy who is beautiful and evil.

It's the reason why every woman wants to be Angelina Jolie, and why every man wants to screw her.

Because she's beautiful and kinda psycho.

Honestly, I've had enough of it. I'd like to step out of the Matrix for a while and just deal with some honesty. I think after you lived long enough, and you've survived your 20's, you just want someone to actually be who they say they are.

I think that's when you start seeing smart men beginning to settle down in their late 30's. They start looking for women who can take care of themselves. In the same vein, smart women start asking more questions and expecting more from these men in their 30's.

I'm pretty sure that was my problem. I was looking for the bad boy, the hustler, the player, the revolutionary, the Rastafarian, the musician, the surfer, the pimp, the cult leader, the white Muslim terrorist sociopath. Basically, the flash in the pan type of man. Full of crazy schemes. Concepts they could philosophize, but never had experience in. And once I got knee deep in their madness, lies, and confusion, I realized too late that I was over my head, and I seem to always survive by the skin of my teeth. I can't count the number of hellish dates I've been on where I've had to wonder how I'm getting home, or am I gonna die hanging out with this man and his friends.

 It gets old.

I seriously think I've burned out of my bad boy phase.

I think it's a 20's thing.

In your 20's, you think about who you want to be.

In your 30's, you plan who you want to be.

In your 40's, you actually start being who you are because you stop giving a damn what people think.

And at 50, you've got a story to tell.

And now that I've lived that a while, I'm getting older and coming to my senses about what I reallly want. 

I wish the good guy would come around now, instead of then. Because now I am 34 and I have half a brain now. Because now, I recognize my self worth. Because back then, I thought marriage was a far off concept. Having kids was for old people. Saving yourself for marriage was for squares. Being honest and dependable and intellectual meant you were too nice.

These are all values that mean a helluva lot to me now that I'm 34.

Because at 34, I'm tired of the games. If you aren't about your business, I'm not interested. Period.

And by business, I mean, 'Do you know your higher purpose and what you were sent here to do?' kinda business. Eternal legacy kinda business. The only business that really counts.

It is so hard now to find a man now that is actually trustworthy the older they get. I've heard so many lines, so much game, so many excuses, so many sob stories, so much wasted potential, so many lies, and so much evil that I'm kinda jaded now. 


I'm starting to wonder if every adult man is bi-polar or something.

It puts me off men altogether.

I'd rather be alone than deal with a liar.

I've also found that I'm harder to impress now. I'm not impressed by a flashy car or house. Or your six figure income. I could give less than a crap  that you know Obama's personal barber. That you have VIP access in the club. The latest watch or clothes.

What  does that have to do with me? That's you. Gold star for you.

I've got my own accomplishments. You have higher education, I have my master's. You've got an important job, so do I. You've got a car, I have one too. You've got a great apartment, I own a house. You are a great lay, so what, I am, too. You could give me a family, I already have one.

There's not much men can offer me now that I can't get myself.

If this was an interview, I'd be asking what can you contribute to the company? What would make me voluntarily serve your will and allow you to lead me? What can you offer me?

Instead of material possessions, I'm more interested in:

Can you have a decent conversation?

Are you emotionally intelligent?

Are you current on global events?

Can you care and show concern outside of yourself, with nothing to gain?

Can you make a difference in the world just by acting within your community?

Do you have a higher power that you have a daily relationship with?

Because all you can really offer me is your word. Your integrity. Your honesty. Your determination. If I can't learn something from you, and you can't teach or lead me, then don't waste my time. 

Ok, calm the phuck down, Tray. 
You are starting to sound like the dreaded "Angry Black Woman!"

I say all of this to say, I think my priority list has drastically changed.

I think I'm a lot more choosy than I was. And this is a good thing. Because there is more to a mate than great teeth and a great lay. And the man that's interested in someone like me will be looking for more than an ass and long hair.

The ex used to tell me that men always want to date two clicks above their station. If you are a 5 in looks, you always want to date a 7.  It is very rare to see a 7 looking man date or marry a 3 looking woman.

So, I asked him what number am I. Of course, he didn't answer.

So, I asked him what kinda woman is a 10. He said he had never seen or met a 10 before. On his scale, Jessica Alba was an 8. Padma was a 9.

Again I wondered. What the hell am I?

If I had half a brain, I should have been asking myself why I married a 2. Because regardless of how I look externally, I am definitely out of his league. Because I am definitely a 10.

Lil Magic once told me she when out on a date, and a guy told her:

"When you are a woman in your 20's, the world is your oyster, you can break hearts all day long. As you enter your 30's there is a power shift. Marriage minded men who are accomplished and in their 30's and 40's look for women in their 20's. "

My theory is they need someone that will look up to them. Of course, 20 year old women are looking for 22 year old idiots.

This is why you must strike while the iron is hot. If you are a woman, you must marry in your prime. If you are a man, you should wait until you are 35.

Wait too long, Sis, and you are the cat lady. They find your body several weeks later, eaten by your cats.

Wait too long, Brotha, and you are the old man in the club, sippin 'Yak, wearing a Steve Harvey suit complete with hat, and passing out business cards to your auto dealership, talking bout, 'Baby girl, come on down and see me next week at the car lot, I can make you a fantastic deal on a gently used Cutlass'. 

© Tray

What is love?

"Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak in the knees when they walk into a room and smile at you." - Author Unknown

We all want love and to feel this way, but people are afraid to give their all.

So how can we get the true feeling of this thing called "love"??

I want to get weak in the knees when "he" walk into the room, looks me in the eyes and smile at me.

I get goosebumps, just thinking about it.

I believe that is the most incredible feeling for anyone.

We Aren't Really Friends, Are We...?

I hear all the time from my girlfriends about how confusing this word "friends" can be, especially as it relates to men. 


Here's the scenario:


You meet a guy. You really enjoy his company. He's showing you signs he's interested. You go out a few times with him. You decide you are going to sleep with him.


Then things change.


He stops calling as frequently as he did. He starts telling you about other chicks he's dating. You begin to feel uncomfortable.


You ask the dreaded question.


"I really like you. Where is this going? What are we? Are we exclusive?"


He comes back with, "Girl, stop trippin. I think you are great. But I'm not ready for a committed relationship. I like what we have. Why can't we just enjoy without the labels? Why can't we just be friends and see where this leads?"


Ladies, let's be honest with ourselves here. 


We aren't really friends, are we?


You have two choices. 


If you decide to hang in there, and see where this leads, and it leads to more hook ups without the commitment you are looking for, you are going to feel pissed and used. And every time you two hang out, you are going to press the issue more and more, until finally he says, "You know, I'm feeling pressured here."


If you decide to leave after he tells you this, and terminate the "friendship", you are gonna wonder, "what if?".
He could have been a great guy, and I left before I got to see where this was headed. He could have been THE ONE!


I will say this.


Be true to yourself first. 
There is nothing really "casual" about "casual sex", especially if you really like the guy.
If you are in a psuedo-relationship with a "friend", be honest with yourself first.


Can I just be friends with this guy? 


My uncle tells me this all the time. If you really like a guy, be his friend first. And be that friend as long as possible without intimacy.


 Get to know him. Hear his dating stories. See how he treats women before you decide to date him. Because once you give it up, there is a power shift. It is now up to the man to decide if he wants to keep you as a "friend", or date you exclusively.


Sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.




That's one for you, and zero for THE MAN. 
*wink*

Kanye West - POWER

Okay, this video is just disturbing. Trevor does a great breakdown of the symbols in this video.
http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=4576