Men Do Not Understand Favoritism

Ladies, I know you really like him.... 

...you met him last week. You think he might be THE ONE.

Are you sending him a needy vibe? 

You may be perceiving it differently than he is. You are thinking that you just really like him a lot. And that you want to show him that you'd be a good nurturing woman. And so you call twenty times a day.

There is nothing wrong with marketing your good qualities. 

But I will say this, don't lower the bar for him just because you want him to win. 

Here's my theory.

When you do that, it could go two ways....

Either a man will appreciate that energy, because they have emotional intelligence and can guess where you are coming from and can read your mind, or two, he will find it very unattractive and a complete turn off.

He could say, why is she so needy? Why does she want to be with me so bad? Is there something wrong with her? If no one wanted her, maybe I don’t want her, either. Maybe she wants to take advantage of me. Maybe she is not ready, she seems vulnerable. I better wait until she stops sending me that signal. I want to respect her.

Men never want what comes easy to them. It’s the reason they hunt for deer instead of picking a freshly killed one on the side of the road. They learn early that a deer laying on it's side is probably very sick.

They don’t appreciate the value in something that comes easy. When you bend your standards for them, they lower respect for you.

While you are thinking, “I really like this guy, I’m going to make it easy and give him a chance”, what they are really hearing is, “She likes me, but if she makes it easy for me, who else is she making it easy for?”

They don’t understand favoritism. They don’t want what they perceive as patronizing, or being thrown a bone. They want the playing field to be equal, and they want to win the marathon fair and square.

In Indiana Jones, the Holy Grail was protected by caves, and traps, and snares, and decoy chalices, and a guard that had been there since the Crusades. If the Holy Grail was easy to access and sat outside the cave, then there would be no movie. 

The Holy Grail does not decrease in value. It is still the Holy Grail. But the entire movie is about the effort  it took Indiana to reach it. That’s what men live, die, and fight wars over. For impossible missions, for unattainable women. That’s worth dying for.

You have not changed. You are still more precious than the Holy Grail.

But how you treat yourself is what makes the difference between an archeologist like Indiana Jones fighting for it, or everyday grave robbers, pillaging and desecrating it’s holiness.

When I show value to the Holy Grail, then others respect and value it’s holiness. God is the only one that consistently knows your value. It is up to you to teach yourself and others how to love you.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking,

I want to give. I want to love. I want to nurture. I want to cook, and give joy, and travel, and give him family, and make him laugh, and give him intimacy, and beauty, and spirituality, and intellect. That is my pure nature. That is who I am. I don't wanna wait and play these stupid  games. I want to be honored, cherished, respected, and protected in return. I want to be those things with Mr. Right or whomever is The One. 

But in order to get to that place of overflow giving and love, you need to show him your worth. Men don’t normally hunt for large game. They live off things that are easy to catch, like rabbits, and birds. They live life, and don’t even worry about meeting The One until they are established. Until they feel that are at a place in life where they can contribute and care for someone.

Showing your worth is putting out the call to hunt large game. The map to embark on an odyssey. To discover the New World. Just like sperm, they assemble hunting teams to reach the New World and discover the treasure. Only one man can win. It doesn’t stop them. The gauntlet has been thrown. The sword in the stone.

I know it sounds like game play. But it's really just allowing this man to rise to the occasion of getting to know you. You don't have to be unapproachable, or even unattainable. Just be a lady and let him be a man.  Stop emasculating him, taking charge of it all. Enjoy being courted.

Stop contacting him all the time. If he does 60%, you do 50%. Don't overdo it too early.

Give him the signal to hunt.

Then, just be the best you. Be that blinding brilliance, just like the tomb of the Holy Grail.

For me, I need to radiate that kind of confidence, that kind of God love.  When I am that brilliant, I am like a beacon of light. Just like a lighthouse. I draw and attract sailors looking for land. It replenishes their spirit. It’s worth fighting the storms and waves if you can see a lighthouse 20 miles in the distance. Because you know the lighthouse keeper has warm shelter, and a place to sleep and hearty food.

A lighthouse doesn’t “do” anything. It just is. The lighthouse keeper just maintains it. Wipes off the glass. Replaces  and replenishes the light. Maintains the masonry. That’s it. It remains fixed. It doesn’t seek out sailors, it doesn’t just send a concentrate signal to one sailor, it just does what it does, which is to give light. It radiates light in circles to everybody. It doesn’t worry that the right sailors won’t see it’s shine. It just shines.

And that’s what I need to do.

 I need to just shine.


©Tray