Wednesday, August 24, 2011
No Means No: He Can't Be What You Need
Sometimes a man will just straight out tell you the deal and you won't listen to him.
"I'm not looking for a commitment."
"I just got out of a bad break up".
"I just want someone to hang out with."
"I've never seen myself as the marrying kind."
"What do you think about open marriages?"
"Most of my relationships end because I can't be faithful."
"I ain't trying to hurt no one, I'm just trying to have some fun."
"I got a girl, but I'm trying to see what's up with you."
When a man tells you UPFRONT that he does not have the long term commitment qualities you are looking for, you should BELIEVE HIM. That brotha is not interested in seriously dating you long term. He enjoys what's happening in the moment. When he tells you these things, he is trying to really warn you because his conscience is bugging him. If you don't listen, then he doesn't feel the least bit bad that you are giving your goods away to him. He figures in his mind, "well, at least I did tell her."
It doesn't matter what kind of potential you see in him. I'm sure he is a great guy. I'm sure his momma and his friends love him dearly. But he is simply not the marrying kind. He's the sleep-with-no-strings kinda guy. You must not get your heart too attached to a guy like this.
If you aren't looking for a long term commitment, and just want to hit and quit, then this is the guy for you.
But if you are looking long term, then keep a guy like this as an arms-length friend. Save yourself a lot of grief and heartache. He's a much better friend, and you can laugh and shake your head at all the crazy stories he will tell you about his dating life.