Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Sex in the City Did us a Disservice
This note probably won't be popular, but I believe it's true.
The show Sex in the City has done "us" a disservice. Especially as Black Women. (My White sistahs, too, but especially "us").
Sure, it's a fun program. Manolos, bed hopping, cat fights, and the like.
But the problem is, life sometimes imitates art.
And if you watch enough programing, I can guarantee you, it will have an impact on your real life.
And this goes for any of the reality wives series, or bad girls club, or any other programming not based in reality.
My dearest loved one.
You are not Samantha.
You cannot crawl into bed with 200 men and not somehow be changed.
That shit takes a toll on you.
I know you are sitting here saying, "it's my body, I can do what the fuck I wanna do with it. "
But casual sex is really empty. Nameless, faceless, emotionless sex isn't easy. Perhaps it is easier for the men. But that nigga is broken, too. (You just haven't spent enough time around him yet to see it.)
You, my dear, are not a man.
You are a woman.
The most beautiful, giving, hard working, intelligent woman.
So please listen to me.
Stop believing in 10 to 1 ratios.
Stop believing the hype about casual sex.
You cannot wash your d*ck off in the sink like a man (or do a bird bath in the tub), pull up your pants and keep it movin. And when he doesn't call, that mess does bothers you. It's ego. You tell your girls he was small. But you were secretly hoping this could be the start of something real.
Stop thinking every man you meet could be THE ONE.
I say all of this to say, honor yourself. And be honest with yourself. If you are looking for something deep, then do your heart a favor and keep your legs closed. Tell him what you need. Listen to his needs. Hear the brotha out. He may want to actually respect what you don't.
And if you are worried about losing him, he wasn't worth it, anyway. Trust me, you need to know that upfront.
For you to co-sign on some BS and say, sure, I'm looking for something casual too, (when you are not), is a lie to him, and a lie to yourself. No wonder he turns cold when you start asking the "What are we?" question! As far as he knew, you was down with it, now you wanna get all "clingy"!
Truth is, you've always wanted more. You cannot lead with a lie and think the shit will come out roses. Your snatch is not that good, babe.
Stop listening to your stupid girlfriends. They don't have a man. If they had a relationship, they'd probably kill it. And they aren't happy about you having one, either.
Another thing I took from Sex in the City: watch your finances.
The chicks on that show must make millions. You know your office job ain't pullin in Manolo money. Why are you breaking your neck to live Haute Couture? You are an office manager living in an apartment! Your car aint paid for! Get your damn priorities in order, loved one.
Your just as stupid single girlfriend that loves you.