Wednesday, December 15, 2010
We Aren't Really Friends, Are We...?
I hear all the time from my girlfriends about how confusing this word "friends" can be, especially as it relates to men.
Here's the scenario:
You meet a guy. You really enjoy his company. He's showing you signs he's interested. You go out a few times with him. You decide you are going to sleep with him.
Then things change.
He stops calling as frequently as he did. He starts telling you about other chicks he's dating. You begin to feel uncomfortable.
You ask the dreaded question.
"I really like you. Where is this going? What are we? Are we exclusive?"
He comes back with, "Girl, stop trippin. I think you are great. But I'm not ready for a committed relationship. I like what we have. Why can't we just enjoy without the labels? Why can't we just be friends and see where this leads?"
Ladies, let's be honest with ourselves here.
We aren't really friends, are we?
You have two choices.
If you decide to hang in there, and see where this leads, and it leads to more hook ups without the commitment you are looking for, you are going to feel pissed and used. And every time you two hang out, you are going to press the issue more and more, until finally he says, "You know, I'm feeling pressured here."
If you decide to leave after he tells you this, and terminate the "friendship", you are gonna wonder, "what if?".
He could have been a great guy, and I left before I got to see where this was headed. He could have been THE ONE!
I will say this.
Be true to yourself first.
There is nothing really "casual" about "casual sex", especially if you really like the guy.
If you are in a psuedo-relationship with a "friend", be honest with yourself first.
Can I just be friends with this guy?
My uncle tells me this all the time. If you really like a guy, be his friend first. And be that friend as long as possible without intimacy.
Get to know him. Hear his dating stories. See how he treats women before you decide to date him. Because once you give it up, there is a power shift. It is now up to the man to decide if he wants to keep you as a "friend", or date you exclusively.
Sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
That's one for you, and zero for THE MAN.